Marriage is a DO or DIE affair

I often hear people say that marriage is not a do or die affair, well, they are wrong. Marriage is indeed a do or die affair. Hear me out first.

Marriage is a do or die affair because if you join yourself to the wrong person they can either do you up by helping you to achieve your life goals, helping you to be your best self or they can die you by absolutely destroying you and if you are not that lucky , it can cost you your life. It did cost someone very dear to me her life.

I want to clearly state here that age or money does not make you ready for marriage. As such, we need to stop putting pressure on single people to get married. Listen, if you have not found the right person, please stay single. You might ask, Queen, how do you know the right person. Few stuff you need to look out for.

Is the person God fearing ? Please am not referring to someone who goes to church, a pastor, deacon, Rev, is a worker etc, nope. I mean do the person really fear God, understand what love really is ? Not the fussing feeling of lust. Love is kind, patient, gentle, do not insist on it's own, has self control, understanding. Has the person got this understanding about the bible and does their life reflects that. Not one of those people that says, don't examine my life but just practise what I preach. I mean, if what you preach or claim does not match with your life style, then I see red flags everywhere.

Is the person emotionally matured ? I mean I can write a whole book about emotional maturity. To be emotionally matured means that they know how to put their emotions in check. Do they have the capacity to walk away if an argument is getting heated and process the information first ? Do they understand and respect healthy boundaries, do they look at things holistically rather than insisting that they are always right ? Do their words match their actions ? - let me stop there.

Is the person content with themselves ? The last thing you want is a husband or a wife who is intimidated by your achievements or considers you over ambitious. If the person lacks self confidence or struggles with inferiority complex, then that marriage is going to die you up.

Is the person financially stable at least to start off with ? I know people will say , oh Queen money is not everything, true, it is not, so can you explain to me why most marriages break up due to financial crisis ? You need money to survive in marriage, love is not enough. Love does not pay the bills, money does.

I have seen people loose their lives due to wrong marriage choices. Due to the fact that they married someone who do not understand that marriage is not for the weak at heart. Marriage is a life time commitment and as such a do or die affair.

May I also add here that am not a fan of staying in a marriage that will cost you your life. Whenever you see a red flag in your marriage, seek help and do it fast. We need to stop advising people not to wash their dirty linens outside in marriage and start offering people counsel that actually works. Most marriages would never end in divorce or separation if the couple had confidence to present their issues to someone without the fear of being shamed, " every marriage has an issue, so yours is not different" When we counsel couple with issues, after giving them biblical facts, please also give them practical fact. Also, if you have not experienced real issues in your marriage and resolved it, how do you deem yourself fit to offer counsel to others ? My point is, you cant offer what you don't have period.

So, marriage is a do or die affair. If you are struggling, please seek help and fast.

Sending you lots of love and hugs.

Catch you on the next blog.

@queenonis.