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Challenging the Stigma of Divorce: Breaking Down Misconceptions and Moving Forward
There are somethings in life that you cannot read off the page of books, but you only gain full insight about it through experience. I have heard lots of people blame women for leaving an abusive husband or even going for divorce. You hear people say stuff like, every marriage has its own problem, learn to endure, and pray, hope for the best, the most common one, stay because of your children. These are all bad counsel when abuse is involved, yes, I said it, and these are bad counsel. Why would anyone ask a woman to keep staying with an abusive husband? They number of women that have lost their lives all in the name of keeping a marriage really breaks my heart.
No woman deserves to be abused in anyway. Women bring so much to the table when it comes to marriage. The woman gives birth, nurtures, cares for everyone, and ensures the home is clean and on top of that, these women do these while keeping a full-time job and in return, you want them to stay with an abusive husband, no way.
Someone once wrote that the worst form of prison on earth is staying in a home that has no peace. An abusive husband is only sending the wrong idea of marriage to the children. The girl child in such a home think that abuse is a form of love while the boy child thinks that is the way a home is ran.
This is the way we end up raising children that needs therapy as adults, children that cannot set healthy boundaries, children that have low self-esteem, child who are so scared to express themselves as adults due to the abuse they witnessed at home.
When a woman decides to end a marriage due to an abuse, trust me that was not a decision made in a day. The woman must have endured all sorts, tried all sorts just to make the marriage work but that did not work. The kind of trauma that a woman sustains after an abuse is something I will never wish for anyone because it affects the woman all round. It affects her health, mental health, self-esteem, and belief in love. In most cases, some women never fully recover from the effects of abuse.
We need to stop all the stigmatisation on women who opted for divorce as result of abuse. No one ever gets married just to end up with a divorce.
We need to be supportive and encourage women to speak up and stop covering up cases of abuse because it does not help the woman and the children involved in the marriage. A man who refuses to make positive changes toward the wife is a man who is not willing to change.
We also need to stop calling homes with single mothers a broken home, no, a broken home is a home where the husband is not present does not provide and does not protect. A home where the husband cannot lead, a home where the husband manipulates and tries to control everyone. A home where no other opinion matters except for what the man says.
No one ever plans for a divorce, but if that marriage will cost you your life, then it is not worth it and too expensive.
When you see women that opted for divorce after surviving an abuse, show them love and if you do not know how to show love and support, kindly keep moving and let them be.
Let us disband these stigmatisations associated to women who seek divorce after surviving domestic abuse or even abuse of any kind. Trust me; you would not be able to walk a mile in their shoes.
Finally, if you are a woman dealing with these, I have this quote for you.
“Am STRONG. That does not imply that am not tired, disappointed, or even weak, it simply means that am never giving up on ME” (queenonis).
Stay strong, you have this.
Blog out. Catch you on the next blog.
